Went wig shopping with my mom yesterday and it wasn't too bad, still hard to believe this is happening. I tried on a variety of wigs and found one that would be fine for work, keep the hair out of my face. Mark and I will go back on Saturday to find one that HE likes as well. I don't think I will do well waking up to find hair all over my pillows or to have hair come out in clumps of my brushes. I think I'll probably shave my head at that point because it will be too heartbreaking. I know it's just hair and will grow back once I'm off chemo but it's still hard. I will however save money and time not having to wash my hair, get hair cuts, or curl my hair in the morning. I was thinking the other day how many times I've complained about how long it takes me to curl my hair each day. Now I'm trying to enjoy the little things in life before it all changes and that includes doing my hair each day. I've told Mark so many times he is very lucky to have a get-up-and-go look....I guess I'll have that too in a little bit.
Found out on Monday that my hormone levels are normal which means my one remaining ovary is working well. That was bitter sweet news....it works great and once I start radiation that will kill it. I want to go on hormones at that point and take an aspirin daily to offset the risk of blood clots. I DON'T want to go through menopause at this stage in life!!!! Not sure what Dr. Pikaart will say but I'm hoping he will go along with the plan. I never realized how much I love my estrogen until it was massively suppressed with the progesterone therapy. I'm realizing there are so many things I've taken for granted in life and I'm about to really see what it's like to be a sick person. Right now it hasn't fully set in because I don't look sick, once I have the port and my hair falls out, reality will definitely set in. I keep trying to tell myself this is only for about 6 months and then I get to go on with life. I just hope that I still feel like myself once this is all over. I hope the treatment doesn't leave my body scarred in a variety of ways. Too hard to think about much right now.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
One part down....
I haven't written in awhile as this is such an emotional roller coaster and sometimes it was too real once written. However, I should probably document my cancer journey as this will definitely be a journey!
Had the hysterectomy and found immediately after the surgery was much harder than I had expected. Harder to get the pain under control and the back spasms. I now understand why patients take shallow breaths after any abdominal surgery...it hurts to move period! But now I see the benefits of having the DaVinci robotic surgery, the recovery time is so much faster, the incisions quite small, and I'm able to get back to my daily routine a bit quicker.
The shocking part to the surgery was finding out the frozen sections showed papillary serous adenocarinoma, a much more serious and aggressive cancer! All my other tests showed endometrial cancer which we thought occurred because of unopposed estrogen. The type of cancer I truly have is not caused by hormone imbalance so we don't know why I got it in the first place and that is terrifying to me! The next shocker was finding out the cancer had spread to one of my lymph nodes on the left side (cancer was on the right) and so I am classified as stage 3c. At the worst, I expected stage 2 so this was quite hard to hear. The lymph goes everywhere within the body and I have a very aggressive cancer, NOT good news!
My treatment plan is fairly new and they call it "The sandwich method" as I will have 3 21 day cycles of chemo, followed by 5 weeks of Mon-Fri radiation (internal and external), followed by another 3 cycles of chemo. It seems this has the best prognosis but I'll believe when I see it, it will be a 2-3 year waiting period after I finish treatment to see if it works. It's very hard not to have cancer-head these days where all you think about it cancer, treatment, side effects etc. I will get a port (a central line into the body that can stay there for years) on 3/3 and then start chemo 3/4. I will definitely lose my hair and that is upsetting, I finally like my hair the way it is. I know this will grow back and should be the least of my worries but losing hair makes all of this real, I will look like a sick person and that bothers me. So far, no one knows I have cancer unless I choose to tell them and I love that....I will lose control over that too soon. I know there is so much stuff I'm not fully dealing with but I'm trying to take it one day at a time and quite honestly, I just want to start treatment and get this over with. I'm the kind of person that thinks about all the "what ifs" and wants to be fully prepared for whatever comes my way. I'm slowly learning that with cancer there is so much you can't prepare for, you simply have to deal with it as it comes. I'm not thrilled about all the drugs they will be pumping into my body....how will all my organs handle it? I'm not a pill/drug person and I'm about to be bombarded with massive, poisonous drugs. Radiation scares me the most and I'm not sure I will be able to do that treatment like they want....trying not to think about it too much just yet.
In preparation for what's to come, I will go wig shopping with my mom tomorrow. Seems odd and I'm not sure if it will be a relief to have prepared for when I lose my own hair or if it will be overwhelming.....just have to see I suppose. Maybe I can have a totally new look that I really like or hair that I couldn't possibly grow myself, now that would be a bonus. We shall see what the experience brings!
Had the hysterectomy and found immediately after the surgery was much harder than I had expected. Harder to get the pain under control and the back spasms. I now understand why patients take shallow breaths after any abdominal surgery...it hurts to move period! But now I see the benefits of having the DaVinci robotic surgery, the recovery time is so much faster, the incisions quite small, and I'm able to get back to my daily routine a bit quicker.
The shocking part to the surgery was finding out the frozen sections showed papillary serous adenocarinoma, a much more serious and aggressive cancer! All my other tests showed endometrial cancer which we thought occurred because of unopposed estrogen. The type of cancer I truly have is not caused by hormone imbalance so we don't know why I got it in the first place and that is terrifying to me! The next shocker was finding out the cancer had spread to one of my lymph nodes on the left side (cancer was on the right) and so I am classified as stage 3c. At the worst, I expected stage 2 so this was quite hard to hear. The lymph goes everywhere within the body and I have a very aggressive cancer, NOT good news!
My treatment plan is fairly new and they call it "The sandwich method" as I will have 3 21 day cycles of chemo, followed by 5 weeks of Mon-Fri radiation (internal and external), followed by another 3 cycles of chemo. It seems this has the best prognosis but I'll believe when I see it, it will be a 2-3 year waiting period after I finish treatment to see if it works. It's very hard not to have cancer-head these days where all you think about it cancer, treatment, side effects etc. I will get a port (a central line into the body that can stay there for years) on 3/3 and then start chemo 3/4. I will definitely lose my hair and that is upsetting, I finally like my hair the way it is. I know this will grow back and should be the least of my worries but losing hair makes all of this real, I will look like a sick person and that bothers me. So far, no one knows I have cancer unless I choose to tell them and I love that....I will lose control over that too soon. I know there is so much stuff I'm not fully dealing with but I'm trying to take it one day at a time and quite honestly, I just want to start treatment and get this over with. I'm the kind of person that thinks about all the "what ifs" and wants to be fully prepared for whatever comes my way. I'm slowly learning that with cancer there is so much you can't prepare for, you simply have to deal with it as it comes. I'm not thrilled about all the drugs they will be pumping into my body....how will all my organs handle it? I'm not a pill/drug person and I'm about to be bombarded with massive, poisonous drugs. Radiation scares me the most and I'm not sure I will be able to do that treatment like they want....trying not to think about it too much just yet.
In preparation for what's to come, I will go wig shopping with my mom tomorrow. Seems odd and I'm not sure if it will be a relief to have prepared for when I lose my own hair or if it will be overwhelming.....just have to see I suppose. Maybe I can have a totally new look that I really like or hair that I couldn't possibly grow myself, now that would be a bonus. We shall see what the experience brings!
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