Glimpses of the other side

I'm in a season of gratefulness as it is not lost on me the difference a year makes. Last year around this time I was in the middle of radiation and chemo. Yesterday Mark and I were out playing tennis together, it is something we always said we would start doing but we allowed life to get in the way. God is SO good! Yesterday while talking with my sister-in-law, God reminded me of some of the lessons I have been learning. While most of us dislike trials, I have been clinging to the promise that there is purpose to our pain. I cried out to God so many times in the last couple of years as I needed to know there was a purpose to my pain. There are many verses from the bible that I hung onto but I kept coming back to one in particular. Job 23:10 "But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold." When I finally accepted that fact that God was allowing me to go through a trial, I made the choice to wait for the "coming out as gold" part. The Greek word trial means to prove by testing; James MacDonald talks about the definition of a trial being "a painful circumstance allowed by God to change my conduct and my character." It is important to understand how gold is refined because it really is a perfect picture of Gods methods with us. When gold comes out of the ground it is mixed with other metals and impurities, the first part is to melt it and in order to do that they must get the temperature up to 1010 degrees Celsius. The second part is binding the gold where they mix a special flux to make it more fluid and bind the impurities together. When the gold is poured into a mold, the impurities (slag) rise to the top. Lastly, the gold is cooled and the impurities rise to the top where it can be separated from the gold. This process is repeated multiple times for greater purity. It is the same with us, when you feel the heat, our impurities rise and become separated IF we allow God to work within us. We don't get to choose whether or not to go into the furnace but we do get to choose how we come out, we can either become burned (bitter/angry) or purified (better/stronger faith). I spent some time being bitter and angry and it took me awhile to realize that was not how I wanted to live the rest of my life. I made the choice to trust that there would be some "gold" in my cancer trial and I'm starting to see some glimpses of it. By God's grace I'm not the same person post-treatment, I AM being purified. Lets just be clear, I would NEVER choose to have cancer and I wish I could have biological children, BUT I accept my circumstances and I'm actually at peace with the way things have turned out. I'm finally at a point where I can say that my life is better after cancer and believe me, I never thought those words would come out of my mouth. I have been at the edge of the cliff and totally leaned on God with all of my weight, and I can say that He is faithful, He is good, and He does provide all that you need when life is falling apart at the seems. Part of my "gold" post-cancer is that my marriage is better, my faith is stronger, and I have a much stronger and healthier relationship with the Lord. I still have a lot of impurities that require refining but my attitude towards refinement is less hostile because I truly understand there is purpose to my pain. What a merciful God to allow me to catch glimpses of the "gold" that has come from my cancer journey. I wish things unfolded differently BUT if I had a choice to go back to life pre-cancer or post-cancer, I would choose post-cancer any day of the week!