Building my God story one chapter at a time.....

I'm really struggling with this whole menopause journey, I hate it to be perfectly honest! I find myself being angry about it and not sure what to do with the anger. I'm sure Mark feels the blunt of it which is unfair and I hate that aspect and yet struggle to change it. Very few people my own age relate to what I'm going through and so it only adds to my feeling different, which was never a good thing in my family. I feel like I aged overnight, it feels like I've been robbed of over a decade of years in the blink of an eye. When people say I'm being brave or courageous I don't feel that way at all; I feel like a grumbling Israelite as I can see the many ways God has blessed me but I continue to focus on the circumstances I dislike. I know my menopause experience could be so much worse and I am thankful that it's not, but I don't know how to find contentment in this situation. I'm afraid that God is going to get sick of hearing me complain and truly give me something to complain about. That's probably not the healthiest of thoughts but it's the truth. I found myself telling God this morning that this whole journey He has given me is totally unfair, and of course, the pity party was beginning to start. He brought to mind one of my nieces because she had gone through this stage of keeping track of what was fair in her mind. My sister shared the story that one day she told her daughter that tomorrow everything would be fair amongst the two girls and asked if that was truly what she wanted, my niece was pretty excited about the idea of this. It turns out that the next day, my niece's younger sister was having a pretty rough day and in not listening to her mom got stuck in the pantry closet. In the process of getting the youngest sister out of the pantry, some of her hair got pulled out. Lisa went to her other daughter and informed her that she needed to lay down while Lisa pulled out some of her hair in honor of fairness day. She told me that my nieces eyes got big and she decided that sometimes fairness isn't what we want after all. I'm so much like my niece sometimes in wanting fairness but I guess I want things to be fair only on my terms. Thank you for the lesson Mikayla, it changed my outlook this morning!