A year ago this month, I found out I had cancer. It feels a lot longer than a year as so much has changed! I think back to those first several weeks and I'm so thankful not to be in that same place emotionally or spiritually, it was a dark place. I still don't like this circumstance but I wouldn't change the lessons I've learned or the deepened relationship with God. I can now say that I have completely leaned on God with all kinds of hopeful expectations and while His plans are not my plans, I trust Him and God is good all the time! I have a lot of questions that this side of heaven will never be answered but I'm ok with that....and I never thought I would be. I used to really dislike 1 Peter because it talks a lot about suffering and that everyone will suffer in this lifetime. It's definitely not one of my favorite chapters in the bible but I don't fear suffering as much as I used to. I am not excited about some of the things God allows in my life, BUT I know He will supply me with whatever I need to endure through it. I never thought I would be okay with not having children but Mark and I find we are perfectly content. When the bible says that God knows the desires of our heart, it's true that He either fulfills that desire or gives you peace in the lack of it. I'm finding that my new calling is to love on other people's kids and hopefully to give the parents reprieve. I'm going to church today for training in the nursery and I can't wait to start loving on some babies!
I have SO much to be thankful for in this past year! I'm amazed at the protection God has provided thus far and how quickly treatment went to be honest. I've been working with individuals much younger than me that have cancer and are in the midst of their treatment, and while I don't understand why God allows all that He does, I come away from work seeing that God protected me in a multitude of ways. He truly knows our abilities, limits, and fills in the gap wherever needed. I don't know about you, but I'm thankful God only lets me see one small step at a time rather than see the bigger picture.
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