Surgery day

Mark and I had quite the sleepless night before surgery, not because of nerves but because of our dogs! Needless to say, I love anesthesia drugs, it's the best sleep I've had since going into menopause. :) Because the boys were recently neutered and couldn't be trusted to leave their incisions alone, Mark dropped me off for my surgery with the understanding that Dr P would call him with the results. Before the surgery, I expressed my concerns over the pathology not coming back clean. Dr P's eyes got quite big as he asked why I worry about that, he seemed to feel as though everything would be fine but said he would take some additional biopsies to prove treatment had worked. I find his confidence startling as I don't trust a lot of things anymore but I hope he is right! The surgery itself went very well and Dr P had said that everything looked good. It took me much longer to get the anesthesia out of my system and because I almost passed out in the bathroom, they pretty much kept me there all day. It's hard to tell if chemo has changed the way my kidneys filter meds or if it's the combination of being sick prior to surgery and so my body is simply taxed right now. Anyway, once I got home I started having some pain not from the incision sites but from the gas they used for laproscopic surgery. This occurred with the last surgery so it wasn't too alarming. However, by the next morning I was having a hard time breathing and any movement made breathing more difficult. Mark had gone to school as planned but came home early as I was struggling and I am so glad he came home when he did. I tried to get up and move around as that is the best way to get rid of the built up gas, but it really aggravated breathing and my accessory muscles were tiring out from the struggle. When it got to the point of one-word sentences we called Dr P who basically said I either needed to come in and see him or go to the ER. I felt this was totally ridiculous as my problems were gas related and that I was wasting his time, but I will do anything to stay out of the ER! I have never in my life gone to a doctors office in my PJ's but when you can't breath, everything else isn't as important. It was quite the humbling experience! When I told Dr P I felt this was a waste of his time, that's when he told Mark and I that he found a nodule on one of my ureters, removed it and so was worried that maybe he nicked the ureter and I was leaking urine into my body. He didn't want to tell us about the nodule because he feels it is probably scar tissue from radiation and didn't want us to worry. This bothered me a great deal, I don't want my physician filtering information because he doesn't want me to worry. I'm already worried about microscopic cancer cells being found as it is! I know his heart is in the right place but he's really starting to fracture our trust relationship. Honestly, I think Dr P has gotten too emotionally involved in my case, I think he still feels badly about not truly knowing the type of cancer I had until the actual hysterectomy. Being in the medical field, I understand how the way things turned out in my case causes all kinds of red flags and is unacceptable from his standpoint. However, I truly believe everything happens for a reason and I've made peace with the way things unfolded. I actually believe my situation is a mixed blessing for several reasons, so I wish Dr P would let go of the past. It sort of feels like he NEEDS me to be okay because he feels like he failed in recognizing the type of cancer (which he didn't) and therefore wasted six months of conservative treatment. It's almost as if Dr P treats me like a daughter and while that may sound good, it's really not, it sort of clouds his judgement on different things. I plan on talking to him about this at our next appointment; I want him to stop feeling responsible, God is in charge of all that occurs in my case and He has been all along. Sometimes science doesn't get it right and while that's very disturbing from a medical standpoint, it's the way it is. My hope comes from knowing that God is above science and nothing happens to me outside of His will. Anyway, now we wait for the path results on the 16th and I am praying for good results this time around!

I'm feeling MUCH better today, I can breath and move which means Dr P did not nick a ureter! Praise God!!!!