Test results

I had my three month check up on Monday and met with Dr P's NP Cara to go over the results. I wasn't too nervous about this one and have to believe God has granted me peace in the whole situation. However, when Cara gave me the results of my CA-125 blood test, lots of fears started to flood my mind. CA-125 is a cancer tumor marker and is often used in ovarian cancer but lots of things can affect this blood test. Prior to treatment I had never had this test performed because I was premenopausal and it is believed only to be accurate after menopause. However, a month into chemo Dr P was disappointed we had never done this test and decided to get one done just to see where I was at. At that time, my CA-125 was 7, yesterday I found out that the number had increased to 10.8 with anything below 11 considered normal. The truth is that we don't know what my initial CA-125 would have been and we don't know if this test is valuable in my case. Hearing 10.8 knowing that 11 is normal doesn't exactly give me a lot of wiggle room, therefore doesn't help me relax. I was bothered in hearing that my number had increased and yet understand that we don't know if that's significant in my case. The truth is that with my type of cancer, my numbers could continue to increase and that doesn't mean recurrence. On the other hand, my numbers could remain low and that doesn't mean there are no cancer cells lurking. This is a grey test in my case and I knew that going into things. In talking with Cara, we have decided not to do another CA-125 as I don't want to know if my numbers continue to go higher, it would only add to my anxiety and really isn't a reliable piece of information. I left my oncologists office with mixed feelings as I was told my pap results would come back in a week. When I saw their office number on caller ID my heart sank a bit as I was thinking news this quickly can't be good news. It's hard to get out of that mind frame! The nurse quickly reassured me that she had good news and that my pap was normal. WOOHOO!!! I will have a CT scan in three months along with another pap and hopefully all will go well at that check up.
The nurse part of me wants the statistics, what are the odds that I will truly remain cancer free. I really grilled Cara about this but she didn't give me anything concrete. I'm sure I'll do the same to Dr P in three months! God gave me quite the reminder yesterday that people are not statistics. Yesterday in ICU, I followed up on a previous patient I had taken care of on Friday. She is 33 and had OD on narcotics, found at home barely breathing and had aspirated on her own vomit. When I took care of her she was still on the vent, not following any commands and her EEG (brain wave test) looked quite grim. For the most part, we all felt that she was probably going to become a donor case but her family was not ready for this news at all. Her mother kept talking to me about "when" her daughter comes home and while I didn't say anything to discourage this type of thinking, I kept thinking how sad, she is in so much denial. To my surprise, yesterday she was taken off the vent and I actually held a conversation with her! This woman can not only breath for herself, she is able to think and function way better than anybody expected! The truth is that only God determines our outcomes, I see it time and again.....and yet I still want that dang number. I'm a work in progress I suppose. Thank you for all the prayers, so far I'm still cancer free!!!!