Waiting game

Saw my Dr yesterday late afternoon and she was quite upset that Dr P's office has not been taking my high fevers seriously. She too is afraid that maybe my port is infected and we talked about endocarditis (infection of the heart) as well. It's disturbing to think about all this stuff to be honest! I came home and told Mark that I do NOT want to be admitted, no matter what happens, it better be on a outpatient basis!
I woke up this morning to my Dr calling me to see if I had gotten all my tests that she had ordered done. She was not too happy to hear that I hadn't done anything but seriously, it was only 9am. When I called Dr P's office to find out if they could take cultures from my port, I found out that my Dr had already called them and wanted to speak with Dr P directly. I admit that Dr P's RN has dropped the ball in my case because they are the ones managing my port. High fevers and a central line just aren't a good mix! However, I don't want to make a big fuss over everything as believe it or not, I feel much better today. I really don't understand how I could feel this good if I truly have an infection in my bloodstream, it doesn't make sense to me. It takes several days to get blood culture results back, but since I had my port flushed today, if I start having fevers/body pain tomorrow then I will know there is an infection going on. So this waiting game starts and I'm trying to keep a lid on all the "what ifs" going on in my head. Control freaks like me are not good at waiting without our minds going a hundred miles a minute. Did I mention this year that I'm working on fear in general, not letting it dictate my decisions? I'm gonna choose to trust God in this matter because quite frankly there is nothing more I can do anyway. Worrying isn't going to bring my test results back any faster and it isn't going to change the outcome of the situation. I'm going to wait and trust that God holds this whole mess in His hands and He knows what is best for me. Meanwhile, I'll continue to pray that I DON'T have an infection and that our summer traveling plans don't have to change. Never a dull moment around here....and I've come to love dull!

Illness

Sorry for neglecting my blog for a bit. Had a wonderful visit with my sister and nieces, this time I was truly able to enjoy the visit and not be stressed about test results etc. It was such a fun time even though it went way too fast!

Illness has struck the Porcher household lately. Mark has been battling a nasty cold and I've been battling the flu. However, after getting my port flushed on Monday, by Tuesday I was back to fevers and extreme body pain. Not sure if I'm battling an infection in my central line which would be such a hassle! Personally, I'm not ready to have my central line taken out. I guess I want it just in case I need it again. I have been hoping to reach the year mark and then start discussing when to have it taken out.
I've always said that I'm a pretty healthy person, I mean aside from the blood clot and cancer, I've had no other problems. :) Lately, I'm starting to feel like that fragile, sickly individual and I'm not liking it. This is definitely humbling!! Anyway, we shall see what my doctor seems to think is going on.

A difficult night

It probably doesn't take long after someone gets to know me to realize that I LOVE animals and I mean LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them. I've always been this way; I was that kid who brought every stray dog home and quite honestly, they still come home with me. :) Last night after it was dark I took Grace out for a walk, and as we passed by this certain house a chiwawa from across the street came darting out after us barking. He was trying to get to Grace, however, just as he was coming across the street a car was quickly approaching and it became apparent that he was going to get hit. I tried to yell at this small dog to stop him but it was too late, I heard the unmistakable thump as the car never came to stop. I know I'm a nurse but when it comes to animals all bets are off, I don't handle hurt animals well. I don't watch anything or read anything about animal abuse cases and I turn the channel on the tv when an animal kills its prey. I'm a super big wimp when it comes to animals and I freely admit it. So when this poor dog continued to lay in the street and didn't appear to be moving, I assumed it was dead and quite honestly, I was a bit panicked. I ran to the owner's house and knocked on their door and when they didn't answer, I went to the next house and knocked on her door. I was visibly upset and explained what just happened and thankfully she took me back to the owners house and when they saw her, they opened the door. I should have scooped that little dog up from the street but I wasn't thinking clearly and I was afraid to see it. A couple other cars drove over that dog as I'm sure they never saw him but by God's grace, he wasn't hit a second time. Anyway, the owner and her two young daughters rushed outside and one little girl started to run into the street to see if this was her dog. I went with her because I didn't want her to get hit, once we came upon her dog his tail moved which shocked me as I was sure he was dead. She scooped him up and we all ran back into their house, this poor dog was bleeding from his mouth and his nose. Everyone around me started to panic and that's when I started to become calm and think a bit more clearly. I was afraid this dog was bleeding internally and it bothered me that no adult was making a decision so I bluntly told everyone that this dog was suffering and they needed to make a decision right now as to what they wanted to do. That's when the owner Paula told me she wanted to take him somewhere but she was starting to have a panic attack and asked if I would drive them to get help. We wrapped the dog in a blanket, loaded her kids and Grace in her car (I told her I didn't have my license but at that point, it really didn't matter) and off we went. Everyone was becoming hysterical in the car and so I asked her if I could pray for all of them as we drove and that seemed to calm us all down. I stayed with them at the emergency room until her husband and son got there and then Mark came and picked Grace and I up. The news sounded a bit better than I anticipated, no internal bleeding but there was significant head trauma. I had exchanged phone numbers with Paula and asked that she please let me know of the final outcome of her dog. I had rescued one of their boston terriers probably a couple of years ago Tulula and fell in love with that dog. They obviously have some issues as their house is full of kids and many little dogs....lots of chaos! Once I got into the car with Mark the water works starting flowing, I was so heartbroken over this little dog AND the fact that Grace and I were the reason it got hit in the first place. I was also a bit bothered by the fact that I'll go to great lengths for animals but I'm not sure I would do the same for people. The truth is that sometimes I care far more about animals than people. Animals are unconditional, they don't disappoint, and I don't question their motives. Simply put, I trust animals in a way that takes me a bit when it comes to people. I'm sure God is working on this imbalance in me and it's going to take time. I called Paula today to see how their chiwawa is doing and so far, he is hanging in there which is a huge relief to me. The next 24-48 hrs are critical to make sure he doesn't have any swelling of the brain, she promised to keep me posted. I so hope this little dog lives!!

God is in the details

I'd have to say that I'm in a wonderful season right now of seeing God's hand at work all around me. Nothing big or dramatic is going on in the Porcher household (thank God), it's more like seeing God in the little details of our daily lives. It is so easy to get on with MY day, MY plans, MY agenda and I'll schedule God into my quiet time but as soon as that "time" is over, I'm back onto me, my, and I. God has been reminding me a lot lately that He didn't create me to live this way. I see God at work all around me and find myself amazed at the care and detail He takes in our daily lives, I'm amazed at the lengths God goes for us. I know this isn't new or shocking news but I'm seeing a side of God lately that I haven't always seen. Not that God is changing, I guess I am changing a bit. I find myself thanking God many times throughout the day, I'm thankful He is in control of things. In my time with the Lord yesterday, I actually thanked Him for this cancer journey. I hope I'm completely done with cancer as I don't ever want to go through treatment again, BUT I'm incredibly thankful for the changes God has made because of the cancer. God is at work all around us, it is our choice to slow down to actually see what He is doing and join Him. I think satan's best weapon is called distraction as we live in such a fast-paced world, it's hard to slow down, be still, and listen to what God is saying. So many things pull for our time and attention, sometimes it's hard to go against the flow. I'm starting to truly see the loving God that we serve!