Called to love the unlovable

I'm two shifts into pediatric ICU and I'm starting to understand why God has opened this door for me. Have you ever spent much time thinking about child abusers....do they deserve love? Truthfully, none of us deserve love, that's where God's mercy and grace come into play because we simply get it. My first shift in PICU, I came upon an eight month old with a skull fracture and subdural hematoma (blood in the brain) which the parents state came from the two year old sibling. Another baby brought into the ICU was lethargic and found to have marijuana in her system, (so much in fact that this was purposely given to her) while the parents, who own a marijuana clinic state she must have accidentally inhaled this drug. Minutes into hearing about these cases I was angry; I LOVE kids and am very passionate about protecting those who can not protect themselves. Throughout the day, I asked several nurses how they deal with child abuse cases, I mean, how they deal with the parents. I found myself struggling to be professional, being kind to the parents, not giving the "how dare you" glare I SO wanted to give. I found myself immediately becoming judge and jury and declared these parents guilty and unlovable. I found myself saying these kids need to be taken away forever from their parents, end of story! At some point during the shift I heard God speaking to me, asking me if my sins were less than theirs. It wasn't a condemning sort of internal conversation, He was simply probing into my heart, helping me see my own hearts ugliness. The conversation between God and I was filled with a lot of please-don't-ask-me-to-care-about-these-parents type of statements. I ended that shift with the stubborn attitude of I don't WANT to care about the parents. I don't really want to think about being kind to them as I'm caring for their broken child, but sometimes God isn't asking for my opinion on the matter. A few days later Mark and I went to our foster support group and the teaching topic of the night was on domestic violence, the impact it makes on the kids, and why this becomes a cycle in the first place. Again, I felt God tugging at my heart asking me to view the parents as broken people, sometimes committing the same abuse that occurred to them. Honestly, at times I'm not thrilled about these moments, I'm not thrilled about being called to love or care for people I believe don't deserve it. Thankfully, God's heart is not like my heart!! My second PICU shift had a diabetic child who ran out of insulin and whose parents didn't do anything about it for three days. My initial reaction was anger followed by what kind of parent would ignore their child's need. However, after talking with the social worker it became clear that this isn't as black and white as it appeared to me. After hearing some of the family's difficulties, my heart softened....a tiny bit. I think God has placed me in PICU prior to taking in foster kids because I need a heart adjustment towards the parents. They are people too, broken people who have made poor choices and it's important that I not make snap judgements about them or their situation. Don't get me wrong, EVERY abuser must be held accountable but there is a way to do that and still love the broken adult. I have to admit, I do not like being called to love these adults but it is not up to me to judge them. It's easy to care for a broken child, to try and help them, but God isn't calling me to do the easy, He's calling me to do the hard too....to love the abusers and treat them with kindness in spite of their situation. This is going to be a hard assignment for me! I've got to remember that my sins are no less offensive to God than an abuser's sins are to me. I feel a lot like Jonah these days....it's humbling!