Alexander

I'm way behind in my posts because we were chosen to take in 2 month old Alexander!!!! It has been surreal and an absolute joy having this little guy in our house and lives. I've been struck by the fact that had I remained angry about how my dreams didn't occur like I had hoped, I wouldn't have this little man in my life to love on. I think Mark was a little concerned with how quickly I fell in love with him but the truth is that I loved him before he even entered our house. It's so easy for me to love kids and I feel absolutely at home being a foster mom, like I was meant to do this! Having said all that, I've also found this to be more difficult and complicated than I anticipated. I didn't know about his colic and I've never taken care of a child going through the withdrawl process from drugs outside of the hospital...and it's VERY different outside of the hospital. However, through all the sleepless nights and bouts of crying....my heart goes out to this little boy and I fall in love with him a little bit more each day we have him. The weight of responsibility of having this little man in our house was a little overwhelming at first, but I imagine that is normal for any parent. I have so many hopes and dreams for Alex even though he isn't mine and I REALLY want this little guy to grow up to be a Godly man more than anything else. We had been warned that one of the hardest parts to foster care is all the unknowns and even with all the warnings, I'm still surprised at how hard it can be at times. We started visits with his biological mom right away and all I can say is that it is a complicated swirl of emotions. Part of me wants his mom to pull her life together and turn things around, however, part of me doesn't even want to think about not having Alex here. As I met his mom and we talked, I was struck by how hard her life has been to this point and I couldn't keep my mind from wondering what kind of life Alex would have with her. I don't want his life to be hard too and it has been difficult thinking about how different his life would be with his mom. It's an odd place to be as this is HER son and yet I know we could provide him an easier life. People have asked if I'm angry with his mom and the truth is that I'm not, I have focused on the fact that she is a broken women and I have no idea what led her to drugs in the first place. I've been praying that God would help me love his mom like he does and for an opportunity to witness to her as well. Mark and I have always said that part of our ministry is loving on the parents and it's time to put that in action. I don't know what the future holds for Alex, but I know that I would feel TONS better knowing he went back to his mom if she knew Christ as that is the only way to truly change and heal. Please join us in praying for Alex's mom, that we can build a good relationship and for the opportunity to witness. Please pray for us, that we will be okay with whatever outcome occurs and that we can continue to trust in the One that holds it all together. For now, I'm taking it one day at a time and truly enjoying this experience! God is so good!!!