Adjustment

Let me explain these pics because I know the color isn't me. Mark went with me to radiation and the wig salon was open and he had never been in there, so we checked it out and I came home with two new wigs. I now have another blonde wig similar to my Meg Ryan wig but with less curl and then this long auburn one. We picked it because this is my chance to have long hair as I've never been able to have decent looking long hair. Now I can braid this and do all the things I've wanted to do that just wouldn't work with my own hair. This is the bonus side to chemo, you can change your look as often as you like. All Mark can say about this look is that it's "wild." In case anyone is keeping track of all my wigs, I'm returning the short red one from my makeover. A girl can only have so many looks to choose from!

This weekend was a mixed bag type of weekend. I did not sleep well Friday night as menopause has really begun and I was having night sweats, so woke up Saturday morning fairly angry about the whole situation. I was a bit surprised by my own attitude as I knew this was coming, and yet some days the reality of what's taking place is too much. I know I shouldn't keep complaining about how unfair this is as some people have situations much worse and yet maintain a positive outlook....I'm praying about it all, I don't want to remain bitter. I should say that so far menopause hasn't been horrible, I have warm flushes during the day (that's what they are like for me at this point), and I'm feeling more stable emotionally again. This may just be the beginning but I'm praying that the transition will continue to go smoothly. I'm just thankful that the majority of radiation is done before menopause started setting in, that would have been too much to deal with all at once! The other thing that really bothered me this weekend was the fatigue factor, it's pretty severe towards the end of the week. Each week my "team" asks me to rate my fatigue and I've told them this is worse than chemo, I'd take chemo any day of the week instead of radiation. I've been told this is an "unusual" response as most people feel better on radiation. At this point, I simply have to laugh and say that I'm the problem child of the cancer center. Today I asked how quickly the fatigue will dissipate once I finish radiation and was told anywhere from several months to a year! I'm praying I'm abnormal on this too, that my energy levels will come back much faster than anyone expects. I'd like to be on the good side of abnormal for a change now! Anyway, just as I was perfecting my pity-party Sunday came around and my energy levels returned, plus I slept a sweat-free night. I'm always being reminded to hang in there, that things can totally change for the better given some time.
I have seven more days of radiation and I couldn't be more excited. The radiation machine broke last week so I had a day off which came at the perfect time. Unfortunately they tacked one additional day at the end of my previous schedule to make up for the missed day. I was more than willing to totally let that day go but they want me to get my moneys worth. I have a lot of fears about what will happen once radiation is over because this is a time where the body tries to repair the cells that were damaged. It sounds like a good thing but bad things can happen in the process, things like bowel obstruction. I hate these unknowns and yet there's not much I can do about it. I wish my faith muscle would grow overnight!
I'm debating on whether or not to ask about my platelet counts as I'm bruising everywhere and we are talking BIG bruises. I'm sure they aren't super low but they must be on low side, plus I'm taking an aspirin daily. While I want to know where my numbers are at, I don't want to get poked. We shall see which side wins out this week.