Second opinion

When I met with Dr P, we discussed some of my menopause symptoms as I want to feel more like my age. When he told me that "a hot flash never killed anyone," I was angry and told him that only a man would say that! It's not JUST hot flashes that bother me (however, these aren't warm flushes we are talking about, these are suffocating-I-want-out-of-my-skin hot flashes), it's also the insomnia, dry skin, joint paint, fatigue to name a few. Don't get me wrong, I have been very blessed to have Dr P as my oncologist but there are some things in which he lacks. We are struggling with quality of life issues and do not see eye to eye. He doesn't want to prescribe ANY type of estrogen for fear of the possibility of recurrence and has stated several times that he doesn't want to watch me die. I understand that and respect his stance, BUT he doesn't have to live with these daily irritations and can't relate to anything I'm talking about. At the beginning of this whole process we talked a lot about how quality of life is more important to me than quantity, and he promised he would help me have quality if I did the entire treatment. Now that I've completed treatment and have all these issues, I feel a bit betrayed as he simply wants to keep me alive. THAT WASN'T PART OF OUR DEAL! I'm beyond frustrated and angry and there are many days that I wish I never did radiation. I think part of Dr P's struggle is that menopause is something I was going to go through at some point and so what's the big deal if it's a decade or so early. Let me just say that there is a BIG difference between natural menopause and sudden menopause and knowing what I know now, I would do everything possible to avoid sudden menopause. I've done a lot of research to find out how to minimize my symptoms without HRT in order to play by Dr P's rules. I do have to give him credit because he is letting me experiment with an anti-hypertensive (clonidine) and this is outside of his comfort zone. I will say that clonidine drastically cuts down on the amount of hot flashes I have but it really adds to the fatigue, which was my only concern. I'm trying to stick it out to see if my body will adjust to the fatigue factor. In regards to all my other issues, I've called my old gyn (who is a female and in her 40's) to get a second opinion and see what she is willing to do to help. I want some forms of estrogen and I'm getting to the point where it's not negotiable. It is a risk to take estrogen but like I've said all along, I could follow all the rules and my cancer could come back. This is the point where I have to trust God, he is either going to allow my cancer to return or he's not. In the meantime, I want to feel like myself again! I want to feel like I'm in my 30's! I think a lot about Mark and how my decisions impact him....who would want this type of a wife? Please pray for my upcoming discussion with Dr R, and for wisdom for Mark and I as we try to make the best decision for us.