Received a text from my mom today that my 22 year old cousin was found dead in his home. The sad part is that for years many of us have been waiting for this type of news, so I'm a bit shocked at how it took me off guard anyway. I'm so sad and angry for him, for the MANY people who failed him and for the unrelenting demons he battled his entire life. The hardest part to this whole situation is that while he knew of God, he turned his back on God (as far as we know). How do you explain to a young man that God IS loving and loves him when in all reality, there were so many cards stacked against him from the moment he was born. I do understand that my cousin made so many poor choices and that makes me sad, but I'm so angry that he grew up in such a dysfunctional environment. I'm angry that his parents spent more time trying to get back at one another and that their kids paid the price for their hate and anger towards each other. I'm reminded today that my step-grandfather's sickness and sin continues to permeate our family and that makes me incredibly angry! My prayer is that something good can come out of Tony's death, that his life won't be wasted in vain. I'm hanging onto Romans 8:28 today of all days. I wish I could simply hug Tony and apologize for all those that failed him early in his life. These things shouldn't happen!! I will definitely change my approach to those who are hurting themselves, it's the least I can do in his memory!
I went to bed last night broken-hearted for my cousin who probably felt that very few cared about him. I will be hanging on to Romans 8:28 as I really want to see something good come from this tragic situation. I woke up this morning and was reminded that it is because of kids like Tony that I am called into foster parenting. At our foster care launch we all made promises to the kids that will come into our home. I promised to be a voice to the voiceless, to help these kids feel safe, and to instill the love of God that will provide them a hope and a future in a way that nothing else will. I wish I could have done something different for Tony, I was so hoping for a different outcome for his life. However, I WILL do whatever I can for the kids that come into my home. I'm going to use my anger for good, I'm going to give these kids an unshakable voice. Sometimes stubbornness is a good thing and when it comes to those who can't protect themselves, my stubbornness is a good thing. I'm going to think of a way to honor Tony's life, to make sure he is not forgotten and most of all, to make sure his death was not in vain.
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