Unknowns

I like good surprises, those can be fun and energizing, however, I'm still not thrilled about the unknowns in life. I'm definitely getting better about trusting God, but I'm still a control freak at heart and so there is an internal conflict many times. Last week I was simply having one of those weeks, you know how it goes, your focus shifts to the circumstances of life and so stress and anxiety build. Mark and I are turning in our foster care application and starting our two nights a week classes for the next month. This is really going to happen and while we are confident that this is where we are being called, it's not stress free. I honestly don't know how this will all work out financially, we took a big hit from all my medical expenses and now that things are becoming a bit more comfortable, we are looking at adding to our family. It's overwhelming to think about making our house kid-friendly and to be honest, we have no idea how many kids we will be taking in at a time. I'm not sure how we will make this work time-wise and energy-wise, lets face it, we aren't in our twenties anymore. Kids require a LOT of time and effort and I really like my sleep and down time. I really KNOW God, I know His characteristics and that He has all these details under control. I guess I wish He would give me the game plan ahead of time and yet I know He rarely works that way. If I knew all the details ahead of time, I probably wouldn't rely on Him so much and I would take control of the situation. So I spent last week stressing, wondering, worrying about so many unknown factors until I started to not feel well. That only sparked more worry and anxiety that maybe my health isn't doing so good. This worry path can be such a vicious cycle! Thankfully, I'm in a better mind set this week. My unknowns haven't changed much but my focus has, I've put it back where it should have been in the first place, on God. I don't know how this whole foster parenting thing will work out but I know that God has called us to do this and so HE will work it all out, at the exact right time. I'm thankful that when I'm stressing Mark isn't and vice versa, that's part of how we balance each other out I suppose. :) So, off to my first foster class tonight. We are jumping off the cliff into the unknown and trusting in God's promises to take care of everything else. It's an uncomfortable place to be but at the same time, it's the perfect place to be too.