Complicated

As people hear the story of how our family continues to grow I hear the same statement time and again, "I could never do that." I completely understand where they are coming from because I too once shared those feelings. Never say never when it comes to God!! I often remember how Dr P would tell me that it won't matter whether my kids are biological or not and I dismissed him thinking he just didn't understand. I have since realized that it was I that didn't understand because it really doesn't matter that these kids aren't biologically mine, they are in my home and they are mine! I am truly like a mama bear....don't mistreat or mess with my kids because you will soon be dealing with one angry mama!
I really appreciate our foster agency as I think they have prepared Mark and I quite well for this......emotionally complicated journey. I really can't describe in words just how complicated my relationship is with Alex's biological mom. We get along beautifully (thank you God) but I have mixed feelings towards her. I don't want Alex to have a hard life and so if she can pull it together and truly change her life, I will totally support her. Part of me wishes there wasn't this unknown hanging over his future and that I knew he would stay with us forever. It's emotionally very complicated and my emotions are all over the place from day to day. I will say that being in this situation means that I don't take a single moment with Alex for granted. It's such a honor and joy to be a part of his story and I hope that some day he will come to understand just how much he was loved and wanted by so many.  He just turned four months a couple days ago and it has been so fun watching him grow and change. It seems like each day he is able to do something new and his personality continues to burst. We are in the beginning of the fun stages and I can't wait to see who this little guy grows into.
While I'm somewhat scared of what the future holds for all of us and the emotions we may be facing, it's completely worth it. Even if we have to give Alex back to his mom some day, it's worth it to me to open my heart up to this little boy and give him a good start. We have been told many times that our heart will be bruised and broken and I trust that God will give us what we need to continue in this journey. Each child that enters our home will always have a special place in my heart and will always be in my prayers. They are mine for however long God chooses to give them to me and I'm really thankful for this journey!