A reminder

I forgot to get my port flushed last week so went in today and to my surprise the gals texted Dr P that I was there. He came over from the hospital to see Alex and I and we took pictures. :) I finally got to tell him in person that he was right, it doesn't matter to me that I don't have biological children. The kids in my home are MINE and I love them as though they were biologically mine. He asked how I was doing and we talked a bit, I could see that he is still very guarded about my future and concerned as we come up on the two year mark. Seeing his concern, left me feeling somewhat concerned myself. I've been so busy and so caught up in being a foster parent that I hardly think about my health much these days. This was a reminder that I'm not out of the woods just yet, that things could change in an instant. We talked about the grey areas of surveillance in my case and he presented the pros/cons of getting a CT scan. My old insurance company denied scans and now that I have new insurance, it's something to look into. However, the cons are big....maybe they will see something suspicious, a false-positive even, which could lead to all kinds of prodding and anxiety. Maybe they could catch something early but a biopsy would spread my type of cancer much quicker and who wants that! So, do I get a CT scan before my next appt or not, he is leaving that up to me. We did decide to start obtaining the CA-125 blood test again as that is a sensitive marker for ovarian cancer and my type of cancer was similar. I had asked them to stop doing that blood test as the results were making me anxious but I think it is worth the anxiety. During our conversation, I was once again reminded that if my cancer were to return there isn't a whole lot that can be done. That's unnerving!!! I know that God is in complete control and if my cancer were to return, that's part of His will and He is ALWAYS good. Today was a reminder that life is a gift and that sometimes I let petty things cause me to worry or dictate my priorities. I guess I've been getting a little too comfortable with my good health as of late. It's a good reminder to give God thanks daily, not to take this time for granted, and not to sweat the small stuff. All in all, it was really good to see Dr P and so far, I'm a success story for him which he doesn't get often.