What am I doing?

So thankful for my Mother's Day with two beautiful babies because the very next day, DHS called to say that Chrissy's paternal grandmother wanted her. I had just received two boxes full of girl clothes that morning (thank you Michelle) and was so excited to dress her in many of these outfits. Shock and disappointment doesn't describe my emotions properly as I started packing up Chrissy's stuff. I had a couple hours to come to terms with the fact that I would be dropping off this sweetheart and most likely never seeing her again. To be truthful, I just couldn't go there emotionally. So, when Hope & Home called me about another foster placement in the midst of packing up Chrissy's belongings, I didn't even think about it or talk to Mark...I simply said yes. Not the smartest thing I realize now but at the time, it made perfect sense. So the day after I dropped off Chrissy, we gained a 17 month old little boy who was discharged from the hospital. Let me just say that getting info on placements is much like getting a report from the ED on a patient....you never know what you are actually getting until they get there! It took me a day to realize that Brady is NOT 20 months old like I was told but actually 17 months, which helped me relax a bit because I was thinking he was WAY behind in so many areas. He is behind in language as he doesn't talk at all but otherwise, he's a pretty normal boy. Mark and I have really struggled with this placement and it's hard to tell exactly what is so hard. Obviously, we didn't even have time to process the loss of Chrissy before bringing in another child and I know that is part of it. I guess I figured two five month old babies would be much harder than a baby and a toddler, clearly I was wrong. Not that we had much down time with the two babies but for some reason this feels like a lot more work and energy expenditure. Mark and I have discussed and prayed about Brady's situation--do we keep this placement or ask that another family take him? With all our other placements they instantly felt like the perfect placement....this has NOT felt that way at all!! We did talk with our agency and ask that Brady be moved to another family, however, talking with our specific case manager opened up a lot of questions. The truth is that had I given us a 24 hour period after Chrissy left, I wouldn't have accepted this placement. However, do we punish Brady for my mistake as moving him will have an impact on him, it will cause some sort of trauma to him. I've thought about how Alex had been in another foster home for a month before that family said he was too much for them.....and he has been such a blessing and perfect fit for us. I don't think there is a right/wrong answer here. We have gone back and forth on what to do and emotionally I'm spent and a mess. I want to do the right thing for all of us and maybe that means Mark and I need to let some things go. In the meantime, I'm emotionally eating and not that it comforts me or brings me any peace really, it just gives me a few minutes that I don't have to think about this situation. Why can't we be drawn to the "good" for us foods in times like this???
I think we are leaning towards keeping Brady as some of the initial "issues" that appeared to be very time consuming to work out are actually rapidly working themselves out. He is such a sweet-hearted boy, so good natured, and cute. It's hard to give up when it's a child. This appears to be a long placement but you never know in foster care....Chrissy's case looked like it would be a long placement too. Some days I'm angry with these parents, it floors me what people do to their own flesh and blood.