And so it begins....

I had my first CT scan today since the end of treatment to see whether or not treatment worked. I've had several CT scans with contrast so I'm used to that part, but I've not had to drink the barium before. I've given barium to patients but never personally experienced it and wasn't exactly looking forward to it as I've never heard anything good about the taste. Mine was "vanilla smoothie" flavored and let me tell you there is nothing smoothie about it, but it wasn't as bad as I had prepared myself. As I was waiting for my test, multiple traumas came in which meant I was understandably bumped down on the list. I can't tell you how many times this sort of thing has happened to me, I'm like the trauma magnet. It was well known that when I was working nights in CCU if this particular nurse and I were on the same shift, the crash carts needed to be loaded and ready to go! :) Anyway, aside from saying a quick prayer for those hurt, I was determined to have this test in proper time because I was not going to drink that barium again! It all worked out and the test itself didn't take long. Overall, I went into this test with my fears in check and simply wanted to get it done. However, there was a brief moment while I was in the scan that the panicked flood of "what ifs" came but Colossions 3:15 stopped the flow ("Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart"). As I was driving home I continued to keep my thoughts in check and reminded myself that whatever happens from this point forward is in God's hands. I can't control what type of test results I get and so worrying about it for a week (that's when I'll get the results) isn't going to do me any good. That's not to say that I don't think about the test anymore, it's in the back of my mind all the time but I'm getting on with life while I wait. Basically, the reason for this post is to say that capturing your thoughts and aligning them up to God's word really does work. I'm not totally stressed out or filled with anxiety, there is peace about whatever comes. I haven't mastered this whole faith and peace journey but this control freak is doing better than expected so far!