Today has been one of those days where there is underlying anxiety about the future. Lately, I've been praying that I would see God in practical ways because quite frankly, I just need it right now. I've lost most of my eyebrows and I continue to lose my eyelashes and the hope is that in a week or two I will start to regrow hair, mainly my eyelashes back. However, with each hope is an underlying fear that I'm continually battling; this is truly teaching me to capture each thought in a whole new way. In regards to my eyelashes/hair, the underlying fear is that I will have to be on some type of chemo for the rest of my life which would mean I would permanently kiss hair goodbye. It's little thoughts like these that creep into my everyday activity making me on guard to hope for or become attached to much. I don't like living this way and I don't think God wants me to live in fear for the rest of my life. At one point during the day, the doorbell rang and I found a box sitting on the doorstep. It's a box from the Dravecky's filled with Christian cancer encouragement type of materials and it came at the perfect time. While searching for a Christian support group a woman told me all about the Dravecky's and passed my name on to their ministry team. Dave Dravecky is a former San Francisco Giants pitcher until he lost his pitching arm due to cancer. He and his wife Jan live in the Springs, and have turned their cancer journey into a ministry helping other individuals find hope and encouragement. Anyone who knows Mark knows just how much he loves baseball, and so what a blessing to have a former pro baseball player who has walked through this type of journey help us out. Is God good or what! Romans 15:13 got my attention today in a way it has never before: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." That is the perfect prayer for me right now!
I know we will endure hardships in this lifetime and so I highly recommend the book "Choosing to SEE" by Mary Beth Chapman. This is Steven Curtis Chapman's wife whose five year old daughter was accidentally run over by their teenage son in 2008. Talk about profound tragedy! However, the books focus isn't simply on their family's personal tragedy, it's on Mary Beth's plans/dreams/hopes and how God had totally different plans/dreams/hopes for her and how she has wrestled with God through it all. It's been so refreshing for me to hear another Christian person say their circumstance absolutely sucks in so many words and yet they continue to forge forward in faith, trusting that God is working it all out for good. As Mary Beth Chapman says, "God has asked me to do hard." I totally relate to her on many levels as I wish God would completely change my circumstance but since He's not, I'll do hard too.
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