What do you believe?

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm living in a pressure cooker and have been growing more and more on edge. I'm desperate for a respite from this season of life as it could be summed up with one word...Trial with a capital T. Have you ever noticed that when you are going through a trial, the most important question you could ask yourself is "what do I believe about God?" because this is the framework from which you will move through that trial. Trials also have a way of separating heart knowledge and head knowledge because in a difficult circumstance we often lean on the heart knowledge stuff. I know what God promises and I know His character but what do I really believe at heart level, that's been somewhat sobering to learn there is a discrepancy between the two. I know that my works won't save me, but for some reason I struggle with believing that my suffering/uncomfortability/loss will be less if I follow God's commands. Head knowledge tells me this isn't true but my heart believes it and so I'm finding that's really the way I tend to live. And so it's no surprise why I'm sometimes disappointed and disillusioned by what God allows in my path, my expectations are incorrect to begin with. How do I align my head and heart knowledge? I'm not sure, I'm still on this journey taking it one small step at a time.

On a totally different note, I just want to say I've got the best sister out there! I had quite the freak out last night over a variety of issues and my sister always has this calming, truth-telling way about her. She's my older sister and I've always wanted to be just like her and I find that doesn't change much the older we get, it's the reasons why I want to be like her that change. My sister is such a Godly woman, she has SO many of the Proverbs 31 woman characteristics, plus, she's just crazy fun to be around. I think on some level we all want to be understood and my sister gets me....and loves me anyway. Thanks for your help Lisa, you always help me see truth from lie as we capture my thoughts and I'm forever grateful.