Illness

It's been a time of illness and stress in our household and I'm in need of calm for a bit. It seems as though one trial ends and another begins and I've been feeling a huge need to simply get away from it all lately. Jez has once again become sick, vomiting and lethargic to the point that I knew she needed IV hydration. This is the dog that had an aggressive cancer a year ago and so whenever she is sick our thoughts always return to the "C" word. Is it time, is it back, do we need to put her down? I've heard people say that God teaches them all kinds of lessons through their kids...well lately, it seems that God has been teaching me things through my four-legged kids. I find a lot of encouragement through Jez because so far she is beating the odds and I like the thought of that. It tends to encourage me to think that maybe I too can beat the odds and do better than anyone expected. Not that my oncologist thinks I will do badly, it's more that I'm in unknown territory on so many levels so everyone is watching to see what happens. That's not a very comforting place to be as the patient sometimes...and especially in regards to cancer! I look at Jez and am reminded of God's grace and mercy. I see how loving and kind He can be and if He can be that way towards a dog, surely there's so much more for me. I'm really starting to see that being good doesn't mean it's going to feel good, those are two totally separate subjects. Sometimes God allows circumstances to occur in our lives that absolutely don't feel good but they are for our good in the long run or preparing us for something else ahead. I think I've spent most of my life equating God's goodness to my feeling comfortable and I'm starting to get that God is good all the time...even when life sucks. Anyway, we have done the appropriate tests to see if Jez's cancer has returned and so far it doesn't look as though it has which is fantastic, BUT she won't eat much lately. It's so frustrating as I've tried just about everything to get her to eat. This dog has always loved the outdoors and walks and so it's been a struggle for me as she wants to go for walks, yet she's hardly eating. I don't want her to miss out and yet it's not wise for her to walk with us at this point. So, I must confess that we have become "those" people as I bought a pet stroller the other day. Mark HATES it when I say we are "those" people because he thinks this whole thing is ridiculous and I feel quite foolish to be honest pushing my DOG in a stroller, but she absolutely loved it the other night. Jokingly, a year ago I saw this pet stroller in a dog magazine and I told Mark that's what we should get for our aging dogs. I never actually thought I would get one as I used to make fun of people that would do these types of things. It's a bit ironic as things have come full circle. I'll post a picture at some point when I can get past the embarrassment myself. :) Anyway, I'm praying for wisdom as to what I should do for Jez, I don't want to give up on her prematurely. There are no tests to say that it's time to euthanize her and yet she's not quite acting like herself. Maybe God is preparing me for the moment that we do need to euthanize....it's hard to say but I wish this emotional roller coaster would be over. I know she's just a dog but she means a great deal more than that to me--she's my four-legged kid.