Bittersweet time

On Saturday, we euthanized Jez as our vet had told us the mass on her liver was quite large and four months ago she had a clean check up. This meant her cancer was quite aggressive and we wanted to end things on a good note for her. I didn't want her to get to the point of suffering or in a lot of pain! It was the hardest decision I have ever made!! How rare it is in life to know the exact day of someones last breath and while it was a very bittersweet week for me, it gave me the opportunity to cherish special moments with her. She wasn't just my dog....she was at times my roommate and had become my four-legged kid. When Mark and I tell the story of how we met, it was my schnauzers that started a discussion and connecting point. Her last week was wonderfully filled with her favorite foods and lots of park time. On Saturday, we gave her cheese and ice cream (her all-time favorites), took her to the park and then headed in to the vet. I held her as she took her last breaths and it was a beautiful process. I think Mark and my family have been concerned with how I would handle this whole ordeal because my dogs have become my kids. I have to say that while this has been a VERY difficult time for me, I have been overwhelmed by gratitude and the gentle way God allowed this to unfold. He gave me an extra year and a half to prepare for this moment, and then graciously gave me an additional week to cherish my time with her and say goodbye. I am so touched by the fact that I serve a personable God who truly cares about the things I care about big and small. I was able to see God's loving hands all over Jez's life and especially in this last year and a half. What a loving God to allow me to complete my treatment and get through the holidays with her. She had been a constant reminder that science doesn't know it all, God is in control! Jez provided a lot of hope for me during my treatment.
Here's what I'm really starting to understand from this whole ordeal: I can't make judgements about God based on my circumstances and what I see, because He is working behind the scenes truly knitting everything together for my good. When we got the boys, it appeared to be a horrible and crazy time as Mark was starting school and I was about to start my fifth chemo cycle. Puppies aren't cheap and this decision made no sense to us financially. It was SO out of character for me to make such a big, rash decision and yet Mark and I now see how the timing was perfect. The boys don't replace Jez at all, but it certainly helps fill some of the void. I am SO thankful that Grace hasn't become an only dog as I think that would be a terrible shock to her. She's not thrilled with the boys, but at least it provides some distraction and excitement.

I realized last night, I had a very small glimpse into the kind of love that God has for us by giving us His only son. Putting Jez down was the hardest decision for me and yet the most loving thing I could do for her since she was sick. I can't begin to imagine giving up a healthy child for somebody's life! God gave up His only son for me long before I even cared about Him and how often I take that for granted. I let other distractions take a higher priority many times and what a slap in the face that must be! Who would have thought that through the death of my dog, I would fall a bit deeper in love with the Lord. God is good, all the time!