Day 2--Cycle 1

Whenever you get chemo they start counting days with day 1 being infusion day. They recommend you keep a journal to see how you feeling throughout chemo so that you may be able to see patterns in between your chemo cycles. Overall, my chemo infusion went very well, no real interactions. I didn't feel the greatest with the carboplantin, felt a bit nauseous and when they took my bp I was running around 150/99. I'm sure the bp is due to all the saline infusions as this was my second day getting infused. Next chemo cycle, I will try to eat some carbs/protein while the carboplantin is running and see if that improves things. I came home from chemo pretty exhausted but felt pretty good for the most part. After spending some time at home reality hit and I was fairly tearful the rest of the night. There is no turning back, these toxic chemicals are in my body and now I simply have to sit and wait to see how I will respond. When will my hair fall out? When will the nausea come? When will things start to taste metalic? It's a bit overwelming! I keep wondering how my liver and kidneys are doing processing all these drugs....I don't like it!

I woke up today and feel pretty good actually, just sore from the port insert. I feel a huge need to clean the house and do all the things that are important to me this morning before I go get the neulasta shot this afternoon. I've heard that the shot can make you feel like you have the achy flu to the point you stay in bed for a couple of days. Some people have mild aches that don't interfere too much with life, so it's 50/50. I hate not knowing how I'm going to react to stuff and what I will/won't be able to do. It's all about being patient and taking things one at a time...and I'm not very good at that. I'm still tearful since getting chemo yesterday and I think it's because this is all becoming real. I'm sure this is normal and I just have to go with it.

I found out one of my friends cut her hair and donated it to Locks of Love in my honor. I don't know what to say about that, I'm beyond touched that she would do that. It was a huge reminder that I have so many wonderful people in my corner praying for me and willing to do whatever they can to help. I'm trying hard to not lose sight of the blessings around me because they are always there. Mark has been great, lets me cry and constantly reminds me that we are in this together. I know he is scared about what is coming as he has no experience with cancer and the effects of chemo, but he's willing to walk through this with me simply because he wants me around for awhile. I'm so lucky to have Mark, I can't imagine dealing with all of this without him!