While I'm more fatigued this chemo round, today I'm starting to feel more like myself again. Water tastes good and that's when I really know I'm coming out of the chemo funk. I went to do my weekly blood test and saw students and to be honest I wasn't thrilled. I know everyone needs to learn by doing and I once was in the same position. Fortunately for me, I have wonderful veins that pretty much build the confidence of students so I always give them a shot, but they get one chance and that's it. I used to keep my mouth shut and let students try as many times as needed because I know it's part of the learning process but not anymore, I'm tired of being poked these days. I'm happy to report that my student did a great job first time around.
I'm starting to lose my eyelashes and eyebrows and I'm not happy about it. I suppose I'm glad this doesn't all happen at once, it gives me time to adjust to my changing look. I'm doing the "Look good, feel better" makeover program for cancer patients next week and hopefully that will help me feel a bit more prepared for my ever-changing look.
I've been wrestling with the issue of work...when to go back. Infectious Disease needs help while one of my co-workers will be out on leave for cancer-related issues, so I've started to schedule a few shifts with them. I'm also in the process of working something out with the hospital to either work shorter shifts or work in outpatient infusion (similar to ID). I'm very determined to work while going through treatment but it does make me nervous. Will I have the energy needed? Will my patients be able to tell I'm sick? Will I catch something while my immune system is down? It's a risk but one my oncologist has approved as long as my blood counts stay up. I haven't worked since the end of January and for some reason going back to work makes me a bit nervous/excited. I want things to be as "normal" as possible and I love being a nurse, so in many ways I want to get back to it. I know I will be able to relate to my patients in a whole new way and hopefully I will be able to make whatever they are facing a bit easier. And it will be good to get away from my own situation for several hours a day. I want to try working two days a week and see how that goes. I think getting back to work will be good for me, gives me a purpose and helps me feel like I'm not losing too many nursing skills. I miss ICU a ton and worry that I'm losing all kinds of skills but I know one day I will get back to it.
It's a beautiful day in Colorado. While I can't spend much time in the sun, I would like for my bald head to get some color!
No comments:
Post a Comment