Decision time!

I am REALLY struggling with radiation and have decided I can't continue treatment as is, something has to change! My radiation team has dismissed my side effects as some bug because apparently it is "impossible" to have side effects this early on and nausea shouldn't be one of the side effects. I WILL NOT be dismissed by another health care provider ever again! I know my body better than anyone else and I have so many red-flag-gut feelings on this one. Like I've said before I am not the typical patient and so I don't really care what the typical response is to radiation. I was fine before treatment and I'm not fine now! I am sick and tired of medical professionals not really listening. It always upset me when doctors did not listen to my patients concerns, it's even more upsetting when I'm that patient. I have definitely learned a valuable lesson as a patient and I will not be pushed around. We will be doing treatment on MY terms. I have to be comfortable with whatever decision is made because I'm the only one that will live with the consequences for the rest of my life. I talked with Dr P's office this morning who basically said that radiation issues are deferred to the radiation docs. I understand that because they are the experts but what do you do when they won't listen? So I called Dr Monroe's team to say I will not continue radiation treatment as is, we must modify my treatment. I have ALWAYS been bothered by the fact that we treat cancer patients with this one-size-fits-all type of treatment, yet patients are individuals. I'm not trying to be a difficult patient or immediately give up at the first sign of trouble. I simply want to find a way to go through radiation with the least amount of permanent damage and the side effects to be controllable. If they refuse to work with me on this, I will not continue radiation! Radiation causes so much damage, not to forget that it also causes cancer. It seems that I'm super sensitive to it and my biggest concern is what will happen down the road if I push through now? If I just had nausea I could deal with that, but I have IBS as an underlying problem and it is already causing huge upsets. Radiation is cumulative and so if I'm having big problems now, just imagine what kind of problems I will have by the 10th treatment when I'm "supposed" to have symptoms. At the rate I'm going I will lose a good amount of weight (that I don't have to lose) and become dehydrated with the possibility of electrolyte problems in the process. Being a part of the ICU team, we would ask ourselves at what cost to the patient do we forge forward with treatment? What quality of life will they have when it's all said and done? My ICU experience has greatly impacted the way I look at things and for me, there HAS to be a balance between quality of life and aggressive treatment.......or I won't do treatment. Don't keep me alive just so that I can battle the next problem that has been created, that is not the life I want. Mark and I have talked about this and we are not on the same page which is very difficult but understandable. I understand where he is coming from but I think our fears are different types of fears. I have given much thought to the idea of him being sick instead of me and what would I ask of him, what decisions would I want him to make etc. I think it's very difficult to be on either side of this, each decision you make is complex with it's own set of risk/benefit.
At this point, my hope is for some type of compromise--either a lighter dose of radiation for a longer period of time, or break up the radiation like two weeks of radiation, followed by a cycle of chemo, followed by more radiation. I don't know if this is possible or beneficial but I'm presenting my case to Dr Monroe either today or tomorrow. I will not do radiation on Tuesday without some type of modification to my treatment plan. If I've learned anything throughout this process it's that I WILL be heard and taken seriously!