Good weekend

It felt great to get back to work as I love being a nurse. The department I'm working in is mostly oncology but there are non-cancer patients with infections or the need for some type of medication infusion. It's funny because cancer patients used to scare me a bit as I always felt badly for them and couldn't relate to what they were going through. Now, there is an instant connection to any cancer patient and many times, the advice I give is from personal experience whether they know that or not. I found it so ironic each time I gave someone the neulasta shot and made it a point to see how they were coping with it. One of my patients really complained about the shot and when I mentioned to her that it was harder than chemo, she gave me this look like you actually get it. I taught a couple of my patients about the claritin secret and shared my personal experience with that bit of info and they were thrilled, I hope it works out just as good for them too. The nurse I was working with this weekend asked how I knew about claritin as she had never heard anything about it, so I shared my story with her. It made me feel better to know she had no idea I had cancer as she told me I didn't have that "cancer look" to me.....at least not yet anyway. I did find that most of my patients are also trying to stay away from germs and so being super careful with everything. So I didn't really worry about getting sick from any of my patients, it just wasn't something I worried about while there. I took some extra masks home so now I'm prepared if my counts drop or if I'm around others who are obviously sick. Even though I worked for 4 hrs each day, I found myself pretty tired by the afternoon and that is frustrating. I'm wondering how I will do working a full 8hr day! I've been hoping to work two days a week but that may not happen, I may only be able to work one day a week. Anyway, I'm SO glad I'm giving this a try as it feels wonderful to be working again, and I loved providing my patients education they had not heard and will hopefully help their own cancer journey. This also puts things into perspective for me as some of my patients were younger than me or their situation is far worse.

While I was at work, I did some reading on my type of cancer from the physicians books because they should have the best sources (and to be honest I'm trying make a case for HRT should I really want it). The whole thing does not sound very good and while I learned a bit more about my situation and therefore have some more questions for Dr P, the reading was a bit of a downer. I knew from my previous research that this type of cancer was the worst type, very aggressive, and sometimes not very responsive to current treatment. I didn't realize how rare this type of cancer was for one thing, or that I may be more prone to other specific types of cancers down the road. There was other downer-type of info and all I can say is that I have questions.....and hopefully the results for the estrogen receptor are in at my next appt and that I AM glad I asked to have them run those tests. Let me just say that from now on I will be very selective on what I read from here on out. Knowledge is good but I've got to remember that I'm not a statistic and with God, anything is possible.

I'm having some port issues which is a bit scary. I have some cancer friends who say "Don't waste a good panic until it's warranted" and I'm trying to remember that for this situation. I've felt this occasional burning sensation at my port site with different movements, it never lasts long. However, this morning I palpated around my port when that sensation came and felt something poking me back! However, because I was on my way to work, I figured I would deal with it later and when I did, I couldn't find that same spot. This evening I experienced the exact same situation and when I looked in the mirror to see what was poking me, I could see something dark. Now that freaked me out a bit! The on-call MD wasn't sure what it could be but when I asked how they suture these ports and he described that process to me....we both believe one of the sutures has worked it's way up a bit and that's what I'm able to see and feel. Nothing can be done about it tonight, so we shall see what Dr P thinks about it all tomorrow. I hope he tells me this is okay and there is no reason to go back in there and re-do anything to the port. My skin is so thin around that area that I really don't want anyone messing with it at this point. I'm praying the port is still functional because I really want to do my 3rd chemo cycle this week!