I have been very unsettled today and I'm not entirely sure what this is about. I haven't been spending time in the Word like I should and I know that always makes a difference, so I spent some time listening to James MacDonald. He's preaching a sermon series called "God at Work" which has been timely for me. I have days where if I'm honest, I'm upset with God. This isn't exactly the life I thought I would have and I know I'm still sorting through the areas of loss. I've got to stay focused on God or the pity-party attitude moves in quickly and that's not how I want to be.
I'm working tomorrow for ID and working the full day. I don't think I'm too nervous about this because I already know what to expect and how to do that job. I might be slightly worried about the pace as it can be very fast pace but surely I can handle that for one day!
Maybe I'm unsettled about chemo on Thursday? I always feel pressured to get all the things done important to me as chemo knocks me down for a few days. I feel somewhat pressured to eat the things I really like as well because my tastes change too. I think I'm nervous about seeing Dr P as I have questions for him and I'm somewhat afraid of his answers. I'm nervous about my port as I'm pretty sure one of the sutures has moved toward the surface causing some discomfort. I think the only way it can be fixed is with another surgery and even though its minor surgery, I'd rather live with the discomfort than go under the knife again. Maybe he can break it through the skin and cut that suture out? I'll get my answers on Thursday!
It seems like this chemo came way too quickly and I'm not ready for it. Part of me wants to get this over with because it will mean I'm a 1/3 of the way through treatment and 1/2 way through chemo. Part of me feels like I'm finally getting back to work and would like to work a few more days before I'm filled with poison again. Part of me doesn't want to do this chemo because then it means I'm moving all the more closer to radiation. It will be nice to see my sister again though.....just wish it was under happy circumstances. I'm happy to report that I still have eyelashes and eyebrows, I hope they continue to be stubborn and hang on!
Sweet friend, I am praying...so many are praying. There are about 30 people in my church regularly praying for you. You are beautiful and you are such a testimony to His grace. I am so honored to know you. Just blogged about you, actually. :) Hope it's ok.
ReplyDeleteI am so blessed to have you in my life Heather!
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