Radiation consult

I woke up this morning and my body is still sore, looks like part of the culminative effect is that this whole process will take longer. As I spent the morning on the couch, the pity party started to set in until I realized that some people with autoimmune disorders feel this way every day--puts things into perspective. I can't wait for the chemo funk to wear off and until it does, I will be thankful that I don't feel this way every day!

Met with my radiation oncologist today who seems very nice and knowledgeable. Just because an individual is a doctor does not mean they get my immediate trust and respect, for me, it is something earned. This may be one of my character flaws but it is who I am. I listened to him talk about studies and statistics and I think he has a good amount of experience, BUT there are a lot of unknowns and definite areas of mistrust. We discussed what my treatment plan will be and there are some unknowns to that as well (Dr P gets the final say in some things). I start next week with simulation which basically means they start mapping out where everything is located so they know exactly where to direct radiation. Dr Monroe will also be implanting permanent markers internally and my understanding was that they would take daily x-rays prior to radiation to see if any movement took place and therefore adjust the radiation field. I'm a little concerned about daily x-rays as that carries a certain amount of radiation too but I may not have fully understood what he was saying. Anyway, after they have mapped out where everything is located they will tattoo several points on my skin so that I am placed in the same position for each treatment. I should begin actual treatment the second week in May. Radiation can cause cancer we know this, so I want to know what my risks of developing secondary cancers from treatment would be and while I'm not thrilled by his answers, at least he was up front. They know that younger individuals tend to get secondary cancers somewhere around 15-20 years down the road from radiation and the kind of cancer depends on the area that was exposed to radiation. I'm being radiated to the pelvic region so unfortunately some of my organs will receive radiation, they can't avoid that no matter what and that makes me a bit uneasy. I'm being told lately to pick between the lesser of two evils (and to be honest I'm beginning to hate this phrase). Who wants to decide to hopefully eradicate cancer now but possibly create another cancer down the road? Because radiation can have a laxative type of effect and I already have IBS, how would this be managed? He didn't give me very good answers, basically I was told that I may feel like I'm going through a very bad IBS episode during treatment. That is unacceptable to me and so I'm going to do everything I possibly can to prevent any negative side effects before they happen. Sometimes medicine really lacks in preventative care and that bothers me! I've heard that I should always go into treatment with a full bladder because this lifts the bowels up a bit and therefore protects them a bit more from radiation. This hasn't been proven but I've heard about it from so many others who have actually gone through the same type of treatment I'm about to undergo, so what can it hurt? I'm also going to put myself on probiotics before I even start treatment in the hopes that this minimizes that laxative effect. I also asked about menopause and how quickly that would occur, he felt that would happen "rapidly" which only adds to my uneasiness about this whole ordeal. I am afraid of this part of treatment. I am afraid of the unknowns and possible long-term side effects. I am afraid I won't be the same person after radiation is complete, that menopause will change me and not in a good way. I wish there was a way out of this ordeal but I know my best chance means doing radiation. We talked about the possibility of doing 3 internal treatments called brachytherapy at the end of the 5 weeks of external radiation. At this point, he did not feel it would be necessary but it all depends on what Dr P thinks AND it depends on how this whole process goes. If I have a lot of negative side effects I will not consent to brachytherapy! I'm all for aggressive treatment as long as there is a balance between quality of life...and sometimes I don't think my physicians understand that balance. Overall, I'm glad I had the consult today as it answered most of my questions. We will see how simulation goes, that should give me a good indicator of treatment and how I'm handling things emotionally.